Marriage is Definitely "The Final Frontier": A Case in Point!

You Die-hard Trekkies out there, please don't take this as blasphemy of the Great Captain Kirk. But as I said in my September Blog, I really don't believe that Space (as in outer space)is truly the Final Frontier. Sure, it still deserves our fascination, of course, but personally I find the space between our ears and between marriage partners alot more intriguing, often bewildering, and certainly more personally relevant to my daily life as husband and marriage therapist. You want a case in point? Try this...

Yesterday a benign, tired-looking middle-age couple--we'll call them the Flickers, returned for their second session. They sat at opposite ends of the couch. Both stared at me, not because they were interested in me, but because they had decidedly NO interest in looking at each other. The wife snarled: "Tell him. Go on, tell Mr. Marshall what you did this week!" Badboy Mr. Flicker shoved his chin into his chest and shot a razor sharp glance into her forehead. And without missing a beat she shot one just like it at me as if to say Do something about him or I will kill you both!

The silence lasted about 2 minutes. My stomach growled. I had forgotten to each breakfast and one of the Flickers smelled like peanut butter toast--my morning favorite, with coffee. To make time pass more swiftly  before lunch I started the conversation:

"Okay...Mrs. F., howzabout, you tell hubby directly what you are upset about. Begin with a 'Soft Start' like we discussed in the first session--you know, somethin' like Okay, Evan, even though I would like to rip your tiny ears of that thick head of yours, I'll leave them in place so you can hear me as I put this ever so respectfully. Ummm-- Right now I am feeling ______ ( I gestured with my arm to suggest she choose an emotion word) about _________ (another arm gesture to prompt her to explain what her emotion is about) because ________ (yep, the arm again, this time inviting Mrs. F to explain why she felt this emotion). Go ahead, Mrs. F., at least try.

She glared at me and I felt another something sharp in my forehead. Then she sprung up from the couch, walked to the door and, with perfect diction, shouted: "I am sick and tired of cavemen huddling cluelessly together like tribal idiots. You don't get it Marshall--he lies all the time, except when he says he doesn't understand ME. That is entirely true. Why don't you two MEN go off drink beer or hunt wild game or whatever men do when they aren't torturing women! I am finished! " 

Stay tuned to The Flickers, Part 2, next week!  Return to return to JourneyIntoLove.com