My old adviser at Wheaton Grad School of Psych, Stan Jones, (well, he was young then; we're both kinda old now) had a sign on his office door permanently affixed for all of us neurotic, insecure graduate students to read: "Life is Tough!" What an empathic guy, eh? He had posted it there as a shield to protect himself from being assailed in the midst of our panic. But we had a right to pound, pout, and whine: after all, it was his fault we were so out of our minds, because they--the faculty of which he was Chairman-- had thrown us headfirst into the quicksand of 1st semester reading about myriad psychopathologies, believing we each had 1/2 of them, without teaching us any Distress Tolerance skills! (If Marsha Linehan had been there at the time, certainly she would have been the "good-enough-parent" and equipped us to handle this!)
Anyhow, Life is Tough, indeed. As a therapist, just when i think i have heard just about the saddest story anyone could ever live, someone tells me a sadder one. There is a Baskin Robins House of Trauma Flavors that overflows with awful testimonies to how twisted and cruel people can be to each other. But amidst this all, there is also something else; very different, fortunately: there is this crazy kind of hope with a radiant face. You don't get that kinda face in the Cosmetics aisle at Walmart. You've got to have been some place that looks foreboding and smells like an existential cesspool at first; a place that becomes bearable...then beautiful--even ineffably beautiful; this is a somewhere in which the dead come back to life; where folks drowning in shame thick as tar are lifted up and gently washed in love, in acceptance...and become radiant. I've been in that place, seen it happen, and it is so sacred that i feel like an intruder.
Once crazy hope is born in someone who thought she was hopeless, her face can't help but become a bit radiant, at least for an awkward moment. I don't always tell the client when i can see it though. It is hers to peak a frightened look at; to touch and feel, to believe in over time. This is all just to say that I love being a therapist even though it is really hard at times. I love encountering the extraordinary in these obscure, small-town therapist's hours--it is such a dramatic counterpoint to The Big Noisy Nothingness out there (and too often In Here within all of us). The beauty of seeing one's True Self emerge amidst pain (often as if through child birth) when she-- like so many of us-- had for so long wandered, self-loathing, is priceless. I know that sounds abit like the MasterCard commercial, but it's true.
And that is what this blog is all about. Exploring, celebrating, telling our stories about this crazy hope which i confess to carrying within me--a gift from so many clients. It isn't Psychotic Optimism, because it is grounded in seeing miracles (amazing things resulting from something beyond what we can explain) with my own eyes so many times as a therapist. And always (I mean this!) these miracles have more to do with the client's sacred life energy unleashed to heal, and to the sneaky, meek, loving Presence of God, than to any single clever technique I contribute. and here in this blog you're invited to share and teach us all too. What have you experienced? What do YOU wonder about? Let's explore it together.
And we'll talk about healing in the context of Marriage--that ridiculous business of trying to merge two human lives into the intimate oneness: what a nutso idea! And probably the greatest opportunity available to grow us UP...deeper...to help us become mature adults with more to give back to the rest of the planet... Captain Kirk once said: "Space, the Final Frontier". But, hey, what does a guy in tights with an upside- down V logo on his chest know, anyhow?
I say Marriage is the Final Frontier! But, as my big bro Dave The Submariner always said : "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." (Yes, Friedrich Nietzche stole that quote from him.) Nonetheless, it's true. What doesn't kill us not only makes us stronger, but, if we're willing to learn and listen, marriage will change us, maybe even restore in us the Imago Dei-- God's integrity, love-likeness and joyfulness originally woven uniquely into all of us as those made "by love, in love, for Love" in His image.
So, what do you think? Any ideas about all that? Agree, disagree? Let me hear from you. Let's start a discussion here. As long as your comments don't slam the dignity of others, don't battle along religious lines, are fairly sound, and are meant for good, I'll be sure to welcome them. By the way, Thanks to Robin Shapiro, a Sage Therapist, friend, and kindred soul in Seattle whose own blog writings about being a therapist inspired this blog.
You can also check out my websites, www.mastercare.net (that's the clinical site for my practice, MasterCare Institute, P.C.) and Journeyintolove.com (which presents the couples interactive teaching CD I've been working on for years). The Journey site is still under construction, so be kind, but it will inform you about the Journey which will be out and available soon. Can't wait! In the meantime, you can also email me at jim@journeyintolove.com. I'd love to hear from you with suggestions, questions, stories... and don't be afraid to actually post something.
Just be sure to read the Responsibilities page before you start! Click here.
Thanks. And for now...
Peace to you!
Jim Marshall
p.s. Saying "peace" doesn't give it to you if in this moment you happen to be struggling with despair and hopelessness. So, just on the outside chance that someone who reads this might be "at risk", let me urge you to check out this site: http://suicidehotlines.com/ These folks could save your life in a pinch! (It'll be well worth your effort and later when you come out of that dark place you'll thank them!)
